Platinum
by Life Returns
Summary: The story of how Sephiroth came to the Coliseum from FFVII world. It starts off in FFVII, but it is KH, rest assured. See the pain and suffering he had to withstand to go fight Cloud!


Disclaimer: Nope. I own nothing…

It was about half a year since Cloud had kicked his ass back during the timeline of Final Fantasy VII. Sephiroth desired another challenge. He was very tired of sitting around in the crater waiting for some unfortunate fool to wander in and immediately be slashed to pieces, even though it was very fun. All he did, every day, was sit around, swinging the Masamune in an arc and wishing Cloud were back. Not that he liked him, of course, but you must understand that Sephiroth would do anything for a decent fight. He even considered becoming a necromancer to bring back a couple of boss monsters or something.

One day, he received a letter from Cloud. It went as follows:

_Dear Sephiroth,_

_You are such a loser! You haven't found me yet and it's been like six months! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! So anyway! I've started to look for YOU so I can kick your ass AGAIN, but I guarantee you'll never, ever find ME! Bwa ha ha! Take that, girly man!_

_With no love whatsoever and a whole lotta hate,_

_Cloud_

Well, now, Sephiroth would just not stand for that. But the only reason Cloud had to challenge him was if he got even more of a badass than he was before. Sephiroth fancied himself a genius for considering this.

So he got up and dusted off his leather coat. "It's kickass time, Cloudy!"

But first, he needed to train.

Where, however, was anything that could last even seven seconds against him? He would have considered taking a Tonberry army on if it weren't for the fact that they all ran away in fear whenever they saw him. So he killed them as they ran.

Sephiroth sighed. There had been a time when a Tonberry—a single Tonberry—would have kicked his ass and left him bleeding to death in a ditch. But now, he could take every single Tonberry in existence, beat them to death, and eat them for breakfast. Not that he wanted to. He'd heard from a cannibal that they tasted disgusting and that humans were better, though he was a little suspicious of that last part.

He was desperate, so he wandered until he found a random villager. "Excuse me, young, insignificant worm, where can I find a monster worthy of me, Sephiroth, the sexiest person to ever grace this nameless planet?"

The villager, who was male, was not affected by Sephiroth's charm and ran off screaming about death by chainsaw and other unpleasant things like that.

Naturally, Sephiroth had to kill him.

Fortunately, the next passerby was an impressionable teenage girl. She told him quite happily, "Well there's Ruby and Emerald! They could even beat my daddy! That's why I have no male role model!"

"I wish I could say I was sorry for you, but that would be lying." And with that, Sephiroth decapitated the poor impressionable young girl, laughing the whole time. "Well, off we go!" he said happily. "I'll take on those saps at the _same time!"_

But then he realized he didn't know where they were. Still, it was no problem. He poofed out his wing and flew off, wondering how he could do so at the same time.

Soon, he spotted a huge monster lurking about, so he dove down from a height of 200 meters up and challenged it.

Ruby laughed. "There's no way in hell you could ever beat me!"

"Well, I was actually thinking of fighting you and Emerald at the same time…so…how 'bout it?"

"…You're insane!"

"Yes, yes I am. I'm quite mad."

Ruby sighed. "Well…whatever…I guess."

Sephiroth did a victory pose. "Yes! Finally! A challenge!"

Emerald popped up out of nowhere. "Hey, stupid guy!"

"Ye—I'm not stupid!"

Ignoring him, Emerald continued, "Let's play by my rules."

"Which are…?"

"Twenty-minute time limit and—"

"NO!" wailed Ruby next to it. "I dun like water!"

"But—"

"No! We're fighting in the sand!"

Sephiroth sighed. _Dear God. And they thought I was stupid._

"But I'll die."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes! Why do you think I'm underwater all the time?"

"Listen, Emerald, you're the younger one of us, therefore I think you should die!"

"B-but I'm only two hours younger than you, Big Brother!"

"It doesn't matter."

"W-well, I think that since I'm younger and therefore of more use to females you should die!"

"But you're only two hours younger than me!"

"EXACTLY!"

Ruby twitched. "Oh, damn!"

Sephiroth looked up. "So, are we fighting or aren't we?"

Emerald looked thoughtful. "Oh, yeah. I forgot."

Ruby growled. "All right, _fine._ We'll fight underwater."

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "Really? Underwater? As in, uh, no oxygen?"

"Gettin' scared?" asked Emerald.

"No! It's great! Perfect! It really _will _be a challenge!" He flipped his hair. "Let's go!"

Emerald and Ruby glanced at each other a little nervously. "This guy is either off his rocker or really, really powerful," whispered Emerald.

"Yeah, but you gotta remember, bro, that not even that blond spiky-haired loser could beat us." Ruby snorted. "Knights or the Round. Heh. Ultima fixed that up!"

Emerald looked at Sephiroth again. "I don't know, Big Brother…"

Sephiroth was singing, and it went like this: "Oh I'm gonna kick Cloud's ass, oh yes I will. He will die and I will laugh. Lalala life is sweet! He has stupid hair anyway. Why does he have two girls to go for? Or at least he used to; I killed Aeris! Oh it was fun, it was so fun." He stopped singing. "I will call that 'Ode to Cloud and Aeris' Death.'"

Ruby smiled. "If he couldn't beat Cloud, then he can't beat us."

Emerald nodded with renewed confidence. "Let's go!" he cheered happily.

After much tedious walking, the three fighters (?) finally made it to the ocean. Emerald dove in, followed by Sephiroth and a very reluctant Ruby. He put a claw in the water and quickly drew it back. Emerald poked his head up. "C'mon, Big Brother…let's go!"

"Ah…okay." Ruby took a deep breath and dove in.

Sephiroth found that because of his godly überness he could walk on the bottom. This made him very happy.

Emerald swam over with practiced grace while Ruby clumsily fumbled through the liquid. Sephiroth laughed at him. Ruby growled.

Emerald called out, "All right, let's start!" and launched himself forward at Sephiroth. Sephiroth was not expecting this and jumped. Smirking, he cut Emerald in half from above.

Ruby froze. It had only been three seconds! Sephiroth sighed. "And I thought this would have at least lasted a minute." He cut Ruby's head off with a single stroke and, using his godly überness reappeared back on the surface in a puff of red smoke.

He was truly bored now. Sure, it had been amusing listening to the brothers fight, and he thought he had done them a justice. Ruby had been complaining about how he would have died. This way they both did.

Sephiroth looked up at the sky. "Stupid sky. Fight me! I dare you!" He got no response. "FIGHT ME!"

A third random passerby passed by (hence the word "passerby") and said, "Ya lookin' fer a fight? Lookie here!" He pulled out a flyer for something called the Olympus Coliseum.

"Coliseum, huh…? I wonder."

"S'really hard to get to, tho'. Ya gotta take wha's called a Gummi Ship to a diff'rent dimension!"

Sephiroth stared at the flyer. "Do you know where I can get one?"

"No, 'fraid not, ma'am."

Sephiroth's eye twitched. "Um, excuse me." He pointed to his chest (and as we all know as Sephy fangirls alike he wears no shirt under that jacket) and said, "I'm male."

"…Oh…you poor thing…"

"I am not a 'poor thing'!" And so it was that the third random pedestrian was slaughtered.

Sephiroth looked at the flyer again. "It says you need to fly…I can fly by myself. Maybe…" He stopped. "No. No, that wouldn't work. It would just…IT WOULD GIVE _HIM_ THE VICTORY! NO!"

Somehow Sephiroth had gotten it into his head that if he flew there himself Cloud would win.

"There's only one thing to do!" He knew he had to talk to Cid, one of Cloud's old buddies. After all, he knew a lot about machines. And if worst came to worst, Sephiroth could always kill him and steal airplane plans or something.

Somehow he knew exactly where Cid lived (as well as Yuffie, Vincent and Red XIII) and flew off to go see him. On the way he passed a glorious castle in the sky so he blew it up. He watched, interested, as the flaming chunks of what used to be bastions plummeted to the surface of the planet like meteors, destroying towns. He laughed. Mass destruction—the thing he missed more than anything.

He landed on Cid's new doormat that read, "Don't overstay your welcome or I'll dynamite your face off."

Sephiroth found this doormat inspiring. He stole it. Then he knocked on the door, humming the Ode to Cloud and Aeris' Death. Shera opened it. "Um…hello, who are you?"

"Hah! Who am I, you ask? I am Sephiroth, the sexiest person to ever grace this nameless planet!"

"Oh," said Shera. "Hang on a minute." She closed the door and a minute later, Cid opened it again.

"Hello, Cid," said Sephiroth, waving.

Cid jumped back. "W-what the hell are you doing here?"

"You know about machines, right?"

"…Yes…"

Sephiroth smiled. "That's good! I want your help." For Sephiroth never _needed_ anyone's help.

"And why the hell should I help a #$& like you?"

Sephiroth smirked. "You have no choice in the matter. Or else I'll…blow up the house. With…Super—" The sky started to glow an unnatural red color. "No, not _yet!"_

Cid looked up at the sky and then back down at Sephiroth. "What…do you need?"

"Look." Sephiroth handed him the flyer. "I just beat the crap out of Ruby and Emerald at the same time underwater with 19:55 left on their stupid time meter and I'm looking for Cloud because he sent me this stupid letter so I need to kick his ass to remind him who's a frickin' GOD! Anyway, it says here I need something called a Gummi Ship…do you know what those are?"

"Uh…kind of."

"Sweet! So you'll help me, right? I mean, it would be _super_ if you would." The sky glowed red again and Sephiroth smiled evilly.

"Uh…sure."

**Oh, noes! What will happen to poor Cid? Will he actually Supernova'd to death? 'Cuz that would make me very sad. Although I _am_ writing this…I could save him or kill him. Ahh, the suspense…**

**Anyway, this was just to let you know I am still alive! If any of my Randomest Day fans are reading this, it's coming, it's coming! Don't worry! I'm just having a hard time with a certain part and a floppy. But fear not! It will come soon!**

**So, see you in "Platinum – The Ship of Death" if any of you care. Toni out!**


End file.
